Are you having problems in your relationship? If so, there is a chance that you both might not feel that you’re emotionally supported. Or is the relationship lopsided and you feel that one person is always upset or feeling down?
People need to be supported and some need different support than others. When one’s needs aren’t met such as one needing more emotional support, chances are that they will feel dismissed or not heart. This can cause the other partner to feel that they are overreacting.
Cycle of Overreacting
When this happens, it can become a cycle. One partner might seek out the emotional support and the other will not respond in the way that the partner needs, leaving them feeling like they aren’t being validated. One might say, “this isn’t as big of a deal as you’re making it,” while the other feels sad and resentful.
The one in the relationship that isn’t as expressive in their emotions might not even understand why their partner feels the way that they do, and they might feel like they are being attacked when the other tells them that they don’t care and that they are not sensitive to them. Even though it is a big deal to one, the other might not really understand.
As time goes on, this can cause one partner to be upset all the time and the other partner feeling confused and aggravated.
Understanding in a Deep Way
Once you can understand each other in a deep way, you can learn to express yourself and be sensitive to what your partner is not able to express to you. By not responding with anger or frustration, you can talk to your partner in a calm way and make them feel supported.
- Having a Better Relationship
When the partner feels supported, they will be more connected. This will make more intimacy and you will have a better communication life; sex life and you will be able to plan dates and spend time together that is enjoyable.
- Supporting Your Partner
There are other kinds of support that partners need such as help with the chores, the children, finances and more. By understanding that these are valid needs, your partner will feel more supported even when they are sensitive.
Who Should Show Support?
You never want to push your partner out. If you feel that your partner isn’t being supported, then the best thing to do would be ask family or friends to step in. Maybe you don’t understand why your partner is acting the way that they are, and you don’t understand the differences that you have with each other.
After hearing how insensitive they are, the one partner might feel hurt. They might also feel that they are stuck in their life because they aren’t emotional. It can be easy to be defensive when this happens but here are some ways to stop this cycle from going on and on:
Listen
Instead of just hearing, really listen. You can support your partner by listening to what they are telling you. Stay calm no matter what they say and use your body language to show you’re listening. Don’t cross your arms and make eye contact.
How to Be a Good Listener
You can learn to know what your partner is feeling without them having to tell you. Don’t put down their feelings and don’t tell them that they’re overreacting. You need to mention that you see that they are upset and that things seem hard for them and respond that you are hearing them.
What Do They Need?
In order to really make things better you need to figure out why your partner is so upset. You might have a partner that can tell you but if they can’t, you need to try and fix it.
Your partner will not feel that they are heard if you make them feel invalidated. Try to listen and use your intuition to know why your partner is upset. Ask them “are you upset for this reason?” and let them tell you. You won’t feel like you are doing anything if they won’t explain it.
Having an Expressive Partner
When your partner doesn’t seem to hear you, it can be hurtful. You need to help your partner understand what you’re going through and here is how:
- Setting Expectations
Is your partner supporting you in any way? There will be times when problem solving can help you both to understand what you are upset about. Is there something that you are upset about that your partner is doing or something upsetting you that your partner isn’t doing? Ask yourself why you are upset and what you need to do to feel better.
- Speak
When you are upset, you have to speak to your partner and not blame them. Learn to tell them what is upsetting you and what you are feeling. Use “I” statements and don’t point fingers.
- Tell Them What You Need
You have to tell your partner what you need when they don’t understand you. Let them change their mindset in what you are telling them.
- Speak and Listen
You don’t want to repeat everything that you are saying but you need to speak and let your partner listen. This gives you strength to say what you need to say.
If your partner is reacting in a negative way to your conversation, it can leave you feeling upset and frustrated, but you need to let them know that you are trying to help the situation and not to upset them.
- Have Active Listening
Active listening means that you are validating what they are saying, and you are showing that you’re listening by asking questions.
- Practice Listening
Take time to practice listening and being a good listener. Don’t tell your partner what to do but what you need.
- Ask
If you don’t understand what your partner needs, ask them to explain. Ask them what you can do to make things better.
Final Thoughts
Everyone has differences and if you are trying to live your life happily with your partner then you need to make sure that you both feel supported and validated. Having a deep connection can help you to be closer to each other and there won’t be finger pointing or blaming and there won’t be the phrase “you’re overreacting,” being used constantly.