Are you ready to leave your abusive relationship?

Are you ready to leave your abusive relationship?

It has been said that there is no easy way out of an abusive relationship. Easy or not, you may have been giving yourself hints that it is time to go.  It can be something as easy as not making long term plans as if you have set a time frame for your relationship.

There are other signs that you are telling yourself you are ready to get out:

  • You find yourself taking more time for you. Maybe you are doing things for you, like doing a workout because you want to, not because he wants you to stay fit. It could be just as simple as wearing that blue eyeliner that you know he hates.
  • Your current partner is not a feature in the plans for the future. You may have intentionally or unintentionally  made compromises to accommodate your partner, maybe you just avoided conflict by not giving them a reason to complain, you have their favorite foods in the cupboard or you never run out of popcorn because you know they will want it when they get home. Now maybe you just decide to do what you want to do, cruise past the snack aisle and let them fend for themselves. Little things like that say, “You are ready!”
  • You realize that your partner can help themselves out of their trials and tribulations, they just choose not to. Maybe they blame their behavior on how they were treated in the past. That’s certainly a reason, but you are not responsible for how the world treated them before they met you.  Maybe you are telling yourself that love will conquer all.  Once you come to the realization that they perpetuate their behavior because it suits their needs, you will find your own power to help yourself.
  • You start to put your own well-being first. Your mindset shifts from acceptance at action. You may be starting to set boundaries and otherwise asserting yourself when and where you wouldn’t have in the past.
  • You stop pretending. Almost everyone asks how your partner is doing, most of the time you have said, “Fine” and moved on, or, if you thought that someone had suspicions, you moved them on quickly.  Once you start to open up to your friends and family, they can be your support system.  Friends will help enforce the feelings that you are acting in your own self-interest.
  • You don’t want to spend time with them.  You find yourself avoiding  them and passing on activities that you would normally have accompanied them on.   Once you begin this social separation, you will feel freer and more empowered.
  • You push them into a breakup. You have been inching around it, but have had a hard time actually breaking up. Thus, you find yourself trying to prompt a breakup. If you suspect that your realtionship is heading this way, be very careful.  Make a plan when you break up. And that plan should put your safety first.
  • You take credit for yourself.  If you have backed out of the spotlight because you thought he would be upset and he was more than willing step right in. Now you are ready to accept your own praises.   Once you begin to care for yourself, you can start to move on.
  • You make friends with men. Perhaps you have been avoiding any relationships with men, even family members, because your partner would get jealous and suspicious. Now you disregard his jealousy and make friends with whoever you want.
  • You think that any breakup related drama will be worth the benefits you will gain.  You can get to this point by asking yourself what will be better or worse. Break down your relationship into pros and cons. Ask yourself if you like who you are with him.  The answer is more than likely a resounding, “No.”

Your partner will notice all of these changes in you as you slowly begin to separate from them.  Their  behavior may escalate, but stand by your beliefs. Care more about yourself than him for a change.  Fight for your future.  You will have an amazing life!

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