Self-control is the ability to resist urges when it profits us to do so. This is strength that allows you to put things into context and priority. Men tend to learn self-control in two ways. The first is that as their sex drive diminishes, with age or poor health, they gain self-control or they learn to sublimate their sex drive to higher thinking and purposes.
This is not about abstinence, but about profitable action in the correct sequence. Put simply, if feeling “in the mood”, complete productive work first, before acting on the feeling. This will highly increase productivity.
Many men are taught that sexuality is something to be embarrassed about, something that should be repressed. This leads to women being untrusted. This can lead to even young boys acting as if they do not like someone who is sending obvious signals, thinking this is some twisted form of self-control. The truth is, the ability to experience and sustain emotions without acting in such a way that it would be against self-interest is actually self-control. Self-control is not ignoring a beautiful girl and then going home, watching porn and masturbating. It is having the feelings and moving on to the next plan of action while sustaining those feelings.
In addition to sustaining feelings without acting on them, self-control requires knowledge. You must be informed about the ways in which females think. There are females that have a sex drive equivalent to or higher than that of a man. Too often men are taught to think women are only turned on by fancy dinners and credit cards, which is not all that accurate.
Control is Everywhere
The world controls people at every time. Phone alerts are meant to be pleasing or attention getting and many other things behave in the same way, as a form of control. This means that if we o not get control of our own minds, someone or something else will. If you do not believe this, think about how many people are addicted to their cell phones.
When you make eye contact, conversation, and have sex with a woman, these things involve intense emotion. This is designed by Mother Nature to bind a couple. Still, a pleasant dopamine burst from an iPhone is enough to sidetrack you from the social context in front of your face.
There is a simple experiment to show the above is true. Next time you go out, leave your phone at home. Pay attention to how you feel and your emotions. You likely feel naked and lost while your mind tries to rationalize. Use the following antidotes:
But My Friends Cannot Find Me – You may worry about your friends being unable to find you, but what happens if they cannot do so. Send a text before you leave and let that be it. If no one shows up, try approaching some people you do not know to work on the addiction. Think about why it bothers you so much to not have friends around and plan a better text for next time so they show up. Be social with others, like those before cell phones were around.
The Babysitter – Tell the babysitter where you will be and not to call unless an emergency occurs. Commit to being home at a set time or call if you will be late.
The Possible Rejection – You may see a girl smiling at you, but you fear rejection will cause you to lose standing in a given bar. Get over it, no one really cares if you are rejected. If you want to speak to her, o it or clear your head and move on. Learn to hold those emotions without doing anything or saying a word.
When you arrive at home, meditate on what happened and the outcome. Journal if needed. Consider your emotional experience, the actions and reactions, from that night. You are taking on the role of athlete that is trying to gain strength and endurance. So:
- Set logical goals
- Leave out excuses
- See discomfort as growth
- At the end of a session, rest, reflect, and renew
Self-control is not about white knuckling it, it is about awareness and courage to make good decisions in the moment, regardless of circumstances.
Women Like Self-Control
Self-control is sexually attractive to women because of what it communicates. This includes the following:
- Being able to use self-control means you are aware of your surroundings. You have emotions and abilities that go beyond the basic.
- She knows you will be great in bed due to this self-control. This ability drives women wild because they will take control, yet remain in control of themselves. Anything less than this is a waste.
- She knows you are safe because you have this control.
- Subconsciously, she knows you have the genes to be a great mate. You would leave a lasting legacy because you have self-control and could pass that on.
Self-control is like a muscle that must be worked to be maintained. This is why you need to set goals, experience regular periods of stress followed by recovery and relaxation. If not, atrophy will occur. Goal setting is key to improvement in any life area. They provide a path to take. The best way to set goals is through meditating on the reasons why you are choosing specific goals. If you do not know, change the goal. To build self-control specifically, make plans to be a bit uncomfortable, not bored or overly stressed, and practice. Repeat this in increasingly stressful situations.
Women will specifically test your self-control, often without realizing it. A woman will test a guy to see if he can exercise self-control. For example, they may criticize a tee shirt choice and your impulse be to retaliate, lose control, pretend she does not exists, or hide away, refusing to fight. Courtship is natural in the animal kingdom with the woman submitting to the male’s dominance. While this is a fine line in humans, it still exists. When we come out on the right side of things, a relationship can occur, lose control and all hope may be lost. It is all about letting a woman know she is desired, but that she is also totally safe with you.