Being married to a narcissist is hard. They come across as being charming and loving and that is what attracted you to them in the beginning.
The truth about them though is that they manipulate you and they only care about themselves and their feelings.
If you have been married to someone that is a narcissist, then you know that divorcing them is going to be hard because they think they are the best thing in the whole world.
When you divorce someone like this though, it can give you peace and joy in your life and take away the emotional problems that you are forced to face with them.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental disorder that people often are diagnosed with. This makes them think more of themselves and that they are a god or the best thing ever.
They must have attention all the time and they have needs that make the relationship bad. They cannot have compassion for others, and they want to be in charge of everything.
On the outside, someone with NPD is very charming and easy to fall for. They are confident and they manipulate others to think that they are right.
They will go out of their way at first to make you the center of the world but as soon as they get to know you and get close to you, they will try to control you. They will no longer be charming to you and they will be someone different than who you married.
Is Your Partner a Narcissist?
There are different ways that a narcissist might act and some of the bigger signs include:
- They think they are better than everyone.
- They have a way to think that makes their views right.
- They have to have attention and praise.
- They will guilt you.
- They will make you feel shameful of things.
- They make you feel bad.
- They put other people down.
- They are gossips and bullies.
- They tear people down.
- They are liars.
- Isolate the people they are with.
- Don’t care about your hobbies or your life.
Divorcing a Narcissist
If you choose to divorce a narcissist, you will have to make sure that you know what you want and stand your ground. You need to be prepared for that conversation because it can be very heated.
Lawyer
You must find a lawyer that knows that you are dealing with someone with a mental disorder. Any attorney can help you to get a divorce, but you need to find one that works with narcissist.
Even if They Beg, Get Out
Even if a narcissist really doesn’t want to be with you, they will not want you to leave because it hurts their pride.
They will promise to change and do whatever it takes to make you feel that you are the best thing. Once they see that you aren’t going to change your mind though, their personality will change, and they will put you down and tell you that you will never find someone else to love you.
This is a normal reaction, and you need to make sure that you are sticking to your guns.
Don’t Rationalize
Rationalizing with this person will never help you. No matter what you say, they will not listen to you. They don’t care what you think or what you feel and they only care for themselves.
They only see things from their own point of view. Save your rationalizing for other things because they will not listen.
Trauma
When you are in a narcissistic relationship, there is often trauma. You have to get through these emotional experiences and leave them and break the trauma bond.
This is one reason it is so hard to leave them because they are addictive. If you have been hurt, they will be like your abuser.
This can cause you to have a low mental health and cause you to feel sick and upset all the time. They are victim and they don’t even realize sometimes they are manipulating you.
You need to get out of this relationship so that you can stand up for yourself and live. Be honest and direct with them and learn to change your life.
No Contact
The best thing that you can do is to have no contact with this person. They will twist everything you say to make you look like the bad guy.
If you have to talk to them, get your lawyer to do the talking. They can connect with them for you, and they will not be able to twist things to the lawyer.
Emotions
You will have strong emotions, but you need to not let your narcissist see your emotions. They will use this against you.
When they see you getting upset or emotional, they will cause you to feel that you are being irrational.
You must remember that they are charming and manipulative and if you get emotional during this time, they will use it for their benefit.
Record It
If your partner sends you text messages, voice mails or anything, record them. Record everything. This takes time and might seem like a waste of time, but it will protect you.
Screenshot anything, they send you and take it to your lawyer.
Have a Plan
Make a plan with what you are going to do in your life after your divorce. You have to have a plan to make sure that you can move forward in your life.
The narcissist is not ever going to be reasonable, and they will fight you. Make a plan and stick to it. Be okay with what you are giving up. Let them have whatever will hold you back and move on and find a way to make it in your life.
Have a Support Team
Find people in your life that will support you. You need more than legal help and you need friends and family that will be there for you.
Put the Children First
If you have children, going through a divorce will be hard but you need to put your children first. You can share custody if you need to.
If your partner has abused you, you need to make sure that the lawyer knows this and that you are being safe with your children. Always fight for custody.
Counseling
Dealing with someone that is a narcissist is hard. It can cause your life to be on hold for a long time. Counseling can help you to get over the hard feelings that you have had to face for a long period of time.
Chances are that you will be confused and upset but you have to get your confidence back and things will be okay.
Take a Break
People need to take a break after breaking up with a narcissist. You married them because you loved them, and you will feel sad and alone.
You did nothing wrong, and you had to move on for yourself and your family. Do not blame yourself and forgive yourself.
Why You Broke Up
Remember why the relationship went bad and why you had to leave them. Remember the feelings that they left you with and the way that they hurt you.
You might be thinking that you made a mistake, but you need to not listen to those feelings. Remember how they treated you and remember that you need to move on.
Get your mind back to the place where it used to be and remember that the reasons that you broke up were not because of you but because of them.
The narcissist did not end the relationship because they wanted to control you. Look at the relationship from the outside and see all of the negativity that came with it.
Focus on You
It is time to focus on yourself and what you need in life. Find new meaning and purpose. A narcissist is good at making everything about them, not make things about you.
Embrace the changes that you have made and face that you had to break up and find your meaning in life. This can be exciting for you and you will find new hobbies to do and use your energy to do what makes you happy.
Connect with people that make you happy and reconnect with those that you have left for some time.
Write down things that hurt you and learn to see your list and to make changes in your life. You will be thankful that you moved on and you will see that your life is better.
Even when you have to learn new things about yourself, do this and find someone that loves you for who you are and give you what you need.
Divorce Stages
When you divorce a narcissist, it goes in stages. Here are the stages:
Pre-Divorce
This is when you file paperwork, but you haven’t made the next step. You may be separated, and this might be a time where you argue and where you have to stick with your choice.
Temporary Orders
A temporary order is when you go to court. The divorce is not final, but you will have to face them in court soon.
Even if this isn’t what you wanted, it is time to make them follow orders.
Final Orders
If you want temporary orders changed it is a time to work that out in court. This will be between the two of you.
Limited Contact
This is the last stage and when you are beginning your new life. If you have kids, this makes things different.
You can have a mediator that can help you so that you don’t have to talk to them. A narcissist will try to upset you and make you react badly.
After the Divorce
Narcissist will try to use emotional abuse to hurt you. Once you are divorced, it can leave you feeling unsure of what happened. You might blame yourself or wonder who you are and what you have done.
Go and get counseling if you need to. A good counselor will help you to heal. Never feel bad for getting a divorce in these situations. Things are hard but you can work through them.
Conclusion
Getting a divorce from a narcissist is hard but as long as you are strong and you do what you can do to better yourself and to be brave, you will see that your life will be so much better after they are gone.