Ten Tips for Becoming Less Attached

Ten Tips for Becoming Less Attached

Partners in romantic relationships often cross each other’s personal boundaries. This is especially true when you’re falling in love with someone. If you think you might be getting too attached, don’t worry—with direction and effort, you can become less clingy.

There’s no shame in admitting that you’re too attached. There are usually good reasons why you became that way, such as bonding issues in your past. Healthy relationships are valuable, so if you’ve got a tendency to be too attached, it’s well worth the effort to do something about it.

Bringing your attachment issues under control will transform you into a supportive, more mature partner. You’re already off to a good start by admitting responsibility for being too attached and realizing that it’s unhealthy.

Here are ten tips to help you overcome your past wounds so you can start building a better relationship:

  1. Improve yourself.

It happens all too often: People in relationships lose themselves and sacrifice their personal development and growth. This leads to resentment, anxiety, and hopelessness, causing you to rebel or to express yourself in inappropriate or reckless ways that can damage the relationship. Staying true to your principles will allow you to reach a mutually acceptable balance.

Being too attached is rooted in this personal neglect. Lots of people feel inadequate and insecure. But the situation isn’t hopeless. Start practicing self-love by investing in yourself, focusing on your needs, figuring out who you are, and appreciating what you discover. It’s a great joy to share your life with someone. And it’s a great accomplishment to accept yourself for who you are.

  1. Trust your partner.

You wouldn’t be so attached if you didn’t have trust issues. It’s a challenge to trust people, especially if you’re overcome by thoughts of “what if.” If you can’t trust your partner, you won’t feel secure in the relationship, so it will continually cycle through emotional ups and downs. Distrustful partners waste time over-analyzing their relationship and making faulty assumptions about each other’s motives.

But if you have no reason to suspect your partner, you’ll be free from those anxious thoughts. Don’t put yourself through all that negativity.

  1. Increase your self-confidence.

One significant reason we’re overly clingy with our partners is that we fear losing them. People instinctively crave security. This is especially true in our relationships. Unfortunately, this instinct often manifests as attachment issues.

If you want to reduce attachment in your relationship to a healthier level, work on increasing your self-confidence level. Care for yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Silence the inner voice of self-doubt and focus on things that encourage you.

  1. Know your value.

It’s normal to suffer from self-esteem when you’re in a relationship. It’s common to unintentionally isolate yourself from your pre-relationship life. If it seems to you that your partner isn’t paying enough attention to you, you probably are suffering from low self-esteem.

If you think your feelings are based in fact, definitely discuss the issue with your partner. But remember that love and affection can’t be demanded. They need to be freely given. If you’re constantly asking for it, it isn’t true love.

  1. Allow your partner to have more space.

It’s not easy to function in contrast to your inherently attachment-seeking disposition. But try giving your partner some more space. Loving him doesn’t mean you have to be with him every moment of every day. Time together certainly is an indicator of how strong and healthy the relationship is. But it’s not the only one, so don’t overestimate the importance of time together as a measurement of your love. Let your partner have some space to breathe.

  1. Communicate with your partner.

It’s impossible to overestimate the value of quality conversations. You and your partner should be open-minded about the different issues you face. It will help if you’re clear when you speak and focus intently when you listen. This will reassure you that your partner genuinely cares about you, and will give your partner insight into what’s making you feel insecure.

Also, address the proverbial elephant in the room. Tell your partner you know you’re too attached, but you’re willing to work on it.

  1. Keep spending time with friends and family.

Don’t forget your loved ones because you’re in a relationship. Your partner certainly is your “significant other,” but he doesn’t have to be your entire life. Don’t neglect those who’ve been at your side all along.

Connections with others will ease the intensity of your attachment to your partner. Relationships are the most significant source of happiness in our lives. This includes friendships and family connections.

  1. Expand your social circle.

You don’t have to stop meeting new people just because you’re in a new romantic relationship. Remaining open to meeting new people will keep your relationship healthy. New connections in your social lives will add meaning and diversity to your relationship.

  1. Be okay with solitude.

Did you get into your relationship because you’re lonely? Many people accept mediocre or unhealthy relationships simply because they don’t want to be alone. This can also lead to unhealthy attachment. You may be clingy because being alone makes you uncomfortable.

But to find true happiness, you need to learn how to be comfortable with being by yourself. So much can be gained from learning to trust and rely on yourself as your most reliable source of guidance. If you can be happy in solitude, you don’t have to rely on others to make you happy.

  1. Find balance.

While this may be the most important tip, it may also be the most difficult. To have security in yourself and in your partner, you must find balance. It’s hard to trust. But if you are able to trust yourself and are secure in your role in the relationship, trusting your partner will be easier. Know how balance looks in your relationship. Figure out what areas aren’t negotiable for you, and where you’d be willing to yield.

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